A lot can happen in three years, more than I ever thought possible. Looking back, my life three years ago seems almost foreign to me now. If someone would’ve told me that on my 28th birthday I’d find myself where I am today I would’ve probably called that person crazy. Three years ago, at the age of 25, I was newly single after a very long-term relationship imploded around me of which I was partially to blame. I was living in LA, just outside of Hollywood, in a neighborhood I truthfully didn’t want to live in and had a condo that was ostentatious to say the least and had become very unhappy with who and what I had become. I somehow had lost my way over the years. I was working, being paid to be creative, however, I was supremely unhappy and had lost my zest for the design work I was doing long ago. I was on autopilot. I lived for my paycheck and lived in fear of my paycheck, for I thought that the nice cars, big TV’s, vacations, dinners etc were my happiness.
I was wrong.
Around this time I met someone, Andrea (my fiancée), and while much of my daily life had remained the same in terms of my career, her presence gave my life a new found perspective. Though, in the beginning, I was very non-committal and frankly scared partially because of what I had just gone through in a previous relationship and partially because I felt I was seemingly at the top of my game and yet somehow felt I had hit bottom.
So I wrote. I wrote largely in secret for I didn’t want anyone around me to think I was potentially contemplating a career move and largely because I wasn’t sure if I was any good. Andrea had left to go work on a movie in the desert for a month so I had a good deal of alone time to write. During this time I wrote two screenplays, one that I had dusted off and attempted to resurrect which gave way to the second, “The Summer of ‘99,” which would eventually become “April Showers.” I was half way through the ‘99 script when it dawned on me what I was, in fact, writing. ‘99 was never completed, scrapped instead for the first untitled draft of what would be known as “April Showers.” For days and weeks on end during this one-month period I wrote until I didn’t think it was possible to write anymore. When I was done, I put it away, forgot about it and returned to “reality” or so I thought. Little did I know that I had already set in motion a chain of events that would come to form a new reality for myself and many of the people around me.
I won’t retell the story of how “April Showers” went from a script in my drawer to yelling action on the first day of filming. If you want to know that story please check out any of a number of stories already posted on this site. I’m often asked if filming “April Showers” was a cathartic experience, in that it helped me to face my demons surrounding Columbine. I’ve always stated that the act of shooting ““April Showers”” was not the emotional release in terms of Columbine I think many wanted it to be, because frankly, I had hit that point years before. “April Showers” became an awakening for me in many ways, for I had gotten a second chance to do what I loved because I loved doing it and not because it was going to earn me money or prestige, two things I had become obsessed with over the years. I was able to be creative on my own terms and for my own reasons and it was liberating.
Despite being a sad film with a chaotic schedule and super low budget I was never happier then when I was on set. Professionally and personally I felt alive. The entire process was a daunting task, one that would see me sleeping two to four hours a night (if I was lucky) for a period of two straight years. I celebrated my 27th birthday at my editor’s house with his wife and Andrea because I couldn’t stop working on “April Showers”. Partially, because I feared that by stopping it would somehow all disappear and I couldn’t risk that. I’ve always been a workaholic and have derived a great deal of personal pleasure and satisfaction from my work. Up until recently I’ve never been one of those people who has been able to separate work from my personal life, for the two have always been intertwined; a truth I’m grateful Andrea and many of my friends have put up with for the past three years.
During the making of “April Showers” I moved out of my silly loft in LA and bought a house and got engaged to the love of my life. I quit my cushy job as an Associate Creative Director for a leading entertainment design firm and said goodbye to one of my best friends and biggest influences in my life; my grandfather. My grandfather was able to see my first attempt at being a director and if I’m honest I don’t believe it was quite what either of us was expecting. While he never came out and said that he didn’t like Shimmer I could tell my debut effort wasn’t his cup of tea. I didn’t set out to make “April Showers” to please my grandfather but I did want him to see it and to see that I had gotten back on the horse and never gave up. The one thing he seemed to love most about my work was never so much the finished product as it was seeing it all come together. He died shortly before we began filming.
When “April Showers” was completed in late January of this year I was hurled into a deep depression for there was no more cutting to be done. No more late nights. No more changes. It was done. I know I should’ve felt relieved and happy, however I felt very scared and helpless for it had been such a big part of my life for so long now that I didn’t want it to end. Around this time two things became very apparent, the economy had become a shadow of its former self and because of this simple fact the days of studios or mini-majors acquiring independent films at very advantageous prices had come to an end. It seemed my time with “April Showers” wasn’t yet over.
We had shown the film to numerous studios and mini-majors over the many months of postproduction and had gotten pretty much the same response across the board. If we were willing to pay (prints and advertising) then we would have a studio-backed release. However, paying for anything beyond simply making the film was not in the budget nor was it anything we had foreseen. The film was pretty much unanimously loved by all who viewed it around Hollywood, though given it’s tough subject matter and somewhat non happy ending those interested in releasing it wanted to hedge their bets by using our money. Money, we simply didn’t have. Fear began to rear its ugly head behind closed doors around the production; something needed to be done.
The one thing no one tells you about the filmmaking process is that it will test your limits emotionally, physically, spiritually and beyond, almost every step of the way. Shortly after taking one of our final meetings with an up and coming studio I discovered that I was done. I had had enough. To put it in the words of one of my favorite college professors, “I had been attacked and eaten by a bear then sh_t off a cliff.” Nothing, I mean nothing, made sense anymore. The offers were so littered with double speak and clauses, not to mention the simple fact that we would essentially be paying for someone else to do their job all the while giving up our rights to the film and its potential earnings, that I simply couldn’t go to another meeting or entertain another so-called offer. I wasn’t mad at Hollywood nor did I think what was happening to us was wrong. In light of the changing economic times the studios were protecting themselves, which I could understand, but that didn’t bode well for the film and those who worked so hard to see it through. There was simply no way their combined efforts were going to go unseen.
I never dreamt in a million years that on top of being a writer or a director that I would become the head of a studio or distribution company. It wasn’t in the cards, for what did I know about distributing a film? I learned quickly mind you and discovered a few things along the way that I hope to continue working on and perfecting in the future for there’s always a different way of attacking an age old problem. Did I make mistakes? Sure. Lots of them. Did I miss things, or get caught up in some of the excitement of it all? You bet. But did I learn? More than I ever thought possible. Truth be told, the fact that “April Showers” played in a theater, let alone 18 across the country, with roughly six weeks preparation is nothing short of a miracle. A miracle I cannot take full credit for because it wouldn’t have happened at all without Jenna and the support of some of our key team members who continued to work, without pay, so that “April Showers” could be given the chance to reach its audience.
“April Showers” was released on April 24, 2009 in theaters around the country and we did well in some of the theaters and not so well in others. I have to say that I’m happy with what we were able to accomplish theatrically given that we had no real money to promote it or inform audiences of where to go and see it. In retrospect, should we have opted for fewer theaters and been more targeted? Sure. However, our window of opportunity was so tight that if we had been in four cities versus 18 and the film had been more successful we couldn’t have ramped it up or expanded it right away due to the other studio films being released the following week(s). So, I made the best decision with the information and resources available to me at the time and haven’t looked back.
During the “April Showers”’ theatrical run I received countless letters and comments from audiences sharing their thoughts with me about the film. Despite being a nervous wreck during this time, those letters were a huge comfort to me, for win, lose or draw at the end of the day; the film was being seen and was having an effect. It wasn’t until IndieFlix came on board and we released on iTunes and later Amazon that I began to breath easier. It seemed that despite our modest beginnings and means “April Showers” was growing legs and stood a good chance to become one of those films that didn’t make a huge splash upon release but instead became one of “those” films that everyone knows about and sees somewhere along the way. Everyday, “April Showers” grows just a little more and I have to admit that is humbling and awesome thing.
Which brings me to the present. July 26th, 2009. My 28th birthday, sitting on the precipice of starting this whole process over again. “April Showers” was and will always be a unique experience in terms of filmmaking one I’m not sure I could repeat even if I tried. That’s not to say it’s lightning in a bottle or that I’ve peaked creatively, it was just serendipitous for so many things seemed to fall into place at the right place and time to allow “April Showers” to exist.
However, looking back on the whole process there are things I would change, ways of going about the process that I never want to repeat, for overall, “April Showers” is the type of film and style of filmmaking that I most likely will never repeat. “April Showers” is a special film for me and to many of you and it will always be that…special. “Dancing Carl” on the other hand is a film I’ve been wanting to make and in many ways have already spent more time on than “April Showers”. “Dancing Carl” is a film that I feel will be more representative of where I want to go and who I want to be as a filmmaker. It’s such a touching, beautiful story that has percolated with me over the years that I have to admit I’m very excited to see through to fruition, not only for the film itself but for possibilities it holds for the future.
Many people ask, why choose to do “April Showers” first then? Well, quite simply, I wasn’t ready to make “Dancing Carl” three years ago, or even a year ago. I had to grow up a bit, settle down and be in a place within myself that is much more solid, to whom I credit Andrea, Jenna and my family and countless more for helping me find solace within myself. I had a lot to learn, and while I’m still learning each and every day “Dancing Carl” is the right film for me now and I’m fortunate that it is the film I get to next.
I think “Dancing Carl” might surprise a lot of you. I don’t know how you view me or what you hope to see from me in the future as a filmmaker but I think if you’re reserving judgment for a later date “Dancing Carl” will give you a much better grasp on how I see things. I try to avoid cliché statements such as “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet” for I’m not entirely sure I’ve even really shown you what I feel I’m capable of. “April Showers”, aside from being the film that it was, served a multitude of purposes pertaining to the future. Workflow issues were resolved. Working relationships formed. Lines of communication solidified and the creation of a dedicated, talented and hard working team were all bi-products of making “April Showers”. Skill sets that will be brought to bear on “Dancing Carl”.
I hope that you will continue the journey with me and the hard working men and women that truly made “April Showers” possible as we transition into “Dancing Carl”. I can promise you that it’s not going to be more of the same in terms of our interaction (though it may seem that way now) for we have so many things in store as we get closer to yelling action that I think you’ll enjoy. I want to thank you all for allowing me the privilege of speaking my mind and sharing my thoughts, hopes, dreams and even frustrations each and every week with you and hope that you’ll stay tuned for round two. I sincerely appreciate everyone’s support and well wishes and all of your continued efforts to spread the word and bring new people to “April Showers” as well as what it is we do around here. I would also like to thank everyone on the “April Showers” team who helped make all of this even possible for no one person, myself especially, can single handedly make a film.
I appreciate you all taking the time to read this little retrospective. I cannot thank you enough for what you have all done for me and everyone associated with “April Showers” and “Dancing Carl” as we turn a page and begin a new chapter of this crazy story of ours. Take care everyone and as always stay tuned…
Sincerely,
Andrew Robinson
